I've had it with these motherfuckin' fans on this motherfuckin' net

So I saw Snakes on a Plane. It was campy but really enjoyable and completely aware of what it was from the beginning to the end.

Also, given that these days it seems that you'll get full on decapitations and maiming in PG-13 movies long before you'll get some harmless nudity in an R film, I applaud the film's (somewhat gratuitous) nude scene.

So what didn't I like about it?

As per usual...the viewers.

Oh not the folks in the theater when I saw it. They were fine. We all had a fun time laughing and overall treating the film with all the seriousness it was clearly meant to be taken.

Nope, as per usual, it's the folks online who annoy the crap out of me. I'm reminded why I rarely go online anymore to hear what people think about films. Why? Because it's not about the film, it's about how one can take an opinion about a film and turn it into an excuse to trash on their fellow human beings.

Be it Snakes on a Plane or Shakespeare in Love, let me give folks out there a bit of advice about how to react with others about this film or any other creative work:

Your opinion of a film, taken on its own, does not do a damn thing to make you cool or smart. Nor does someone else's opinion make them uncool, stupid, "retarded", or "gay."

Sure, the reason you like or dislike something might be a factor here. After all, if you like Mississippi Burning because you get to see African American children beaten...guess what? You're a stupid dick. Likewise, if you hate Godzilla because you think Japanese people are ugly subhumans...again, you're a stupid dick.

However, most of the time it's just an opinion. That's it. It is nothing more than an indicator of preference others may or may not agree with. Sure, there are methods of critical analysis and the like that can be employed but most of the time it boils down to "I liked it/I didn't like it."

So people can think just having a particular opinion makes them smarter or better than someone if they like...but it will remain my opinion that such folks are deeply flawed and probably need to be held more. Course, not by me, because I hate those arrogant judgmental motherfuckers.

And I admit to a bit of heightened annoyance in the realm of opinions about film because I know a lot about film. Enough that I can easily keep up with guys who are the 3rd PA from the left in the cast group photo of Camp Nowhere and yet spout off whenever they get the chance because they are "in the biz." In fact, given some of the people in the movie industry I've met and some stories I've heard, I suspect I'm a bit ahead of many folks. For example, I know Eliot Ness was a real guy.*

From All's Quiet on the Western Front to Zatoichi, I've covered a lot of ground in my film viewing. I'll watch Classic like Citizen Kane, Lost Horizon, and the like and can also enjoy stuff like Evil Dead II, King Arthur, and even some of those generally low quality films they run on Sci-Fi.**

And while I don't like everything I watch, I manage to not be a dick about people not liking certain films as long as they can extend me the same courtesy.

And yet, that seems so damned hard for folks.

I mean, how often do you hear a variation this conversation, online or otherwise:

I saw ______

Oh man that was awful, what a piece of crap.

I actually kind of liked it. I mean it wasn't great but I had fun.

Oh my god it was so bad. I can't see how anyone with any taste would like that film...

For those wondering, the proper response to such a comment is "Yeah, well fuck you too." And if the person who gives that response to can't figure out why their comments were insulting then the follow up is "Man, you are fucking dense, aren't you?"

Worse, I meet people who do something similar when they haven't even seen the film. Such as:

I saw _____.

Oh, my friend saw that and said it was awful.

Huh, I enjoyed it.

Oh he said it was terrible, and he likes real shitty films.

For those wondering, the proper response to such a comment is "Yeah, well fuck you...sideways."

And for those bothered that I suggest such rude responses in such conversations please consider this: the conversation is already over. The person has already said or implied with no subtlety that you've got no taste, like something shitty, etc... Really, the only place to go from there is away. But that's a conversation for another day, right now I've got to get my motherfucking cats out of the motherfucking trash.

* That was a blatant reference to Brian Michael Bendis' Fortune and Glory for those keeping track.

** For example, I recommend Minotaur...just imagine the concept is "Theseus and the Minotaur was written by Howard" and you'll at least find it interesting.

Damned Muggles

So apparently JK Rowling's getting some press (again) with her (repeated) suggestion that some of the main characters in her Harry Potter series might kick off in the last book.

Now I'm not a big Potter fan, nor do I have anything against the author or her books, but various comments have led at least some folks to think that one of the characters getting whacked is the title character himself, Harry Potter. Rowling is taking these hints and running with them, and making further comments to the effect of "If I kill him then other can't write about him after I'm gone."

Now I realize I'm not a multigallionaire selling author, nor am I all that emotionally invested in the books or the characters.* However, a word about this particular development.

A coming of age story, which Harry Potter essentially is, where the character who comes of age dies at the end...is generally a crappy coming of age story. I would think this is obvious, but then you never know how silly some folks can be.

Seriously, why even pretend that it's a good idea up for serious consideration to kill the title character in the final book when he finally grows up and becomes an adult when the whole point of such tales is to see this kid grow up and become an adult? Does the series really need the hype? Aren't they going to sell millions of books anyway,

But then I never get that sort of thing...I'm still trying to puzzle out why George Lucas felt the need to show me the double bladed lightsaber in the trailer for the Phantom Menace.

Anyway, just a random thought...now I need to do laundry.

* Big fan of reading that I am, HP is something I do, in fact, wait for the movies on.

I Feel the Hatred Growing Within Me...

So I wrote early on about my wife's problems with her boss. And despite the fact that the end is in sight and she's interviewing for several higher paying and frankly better jobs that will hopefully soon pay off the whole thing still sucks.

Why exactly? Well, I'm glad you asked.

So my wife wasn't feeling well yesterday. She's been interviewing and working like mad and I'm sure the heatwave isn't helping. So as a result of I'm sure at least all of those factors and perhaps many more she was feeling ill. And since she had the sick time saved up she took yesterday off.

You'd think she'd fucking killed someone.

Her boss sends her an email basically accusing her of not coming to work because she didn't feel like it, not because she didn't feel well. She also called her yesterday evening and told her to not come in until she'd been to the doctor and gotten a note.

A note? From the doctor? Does she need to see the principal too?

Ignoring for a fact that all the doctor will and can do legally is say "Yeah, I saw her." What's the point of calling in the evening? If you wanted her to see the doc, call her in the morning so she can make an appointment.

But wait...there's more. She also sent an email to another staff member mentioning some work my wife was doing with the comment "I'm not sure if she knows how the call numbers work."

My wife. The librarian. With the law degree. Who has worked in libraries for about a decade in various capacities...not knowing how library call numbers work.

I've said it before. I can handle silly...I detest stupid. That, my friends, is stupid. I mean you have to be a fucking inbred moron to actually believe that someone with that much library experience can't figure out call numbers.

Well that, or a total fucking bitch. I favor both, myself.

But wait...there's more.

So apparently while her unbelievable idiot bitch of a boss is on vacation, my wife is supposed to email the library director when she arrives, leaves for lunch, gets back from lunch, and leaves for the day. Why? Fucked if I know...but then this is the woman wo has repeatedly stated my wife was absent days she wasn't, late times she was off at training, etc..

This is also the woman who, and this is no exaggeration, cannot actually get the job my wife has. No really, her position requires a law degree (JD) as well as a library science degree (MLS). This cock-juggling thundercunt* has only an MLS...and some sort of genetic brain dysfunction it seems.

The only thing that's keeping me for calling up the school myself and asking what in the hell they think they are doing is the fact that despite this idiot's protestations about my wife's unprofessionalism, attitude, and whatever else she seems to think is wrong, she keeps getting interviews with high-priced law firms that will pay much better and give her more authority and responsibility. In some cases, she is the only candidate they are currently considering.

And yet according to some two-bit middle manager at a (at best) lower second tier law school my wife's not professional and a real problem to work with.

And hey, maybe that's the case. I mean I'm no lawyer, I can't really give a second opinion on the sutiability of such a...

Oh wait, I am a lawyer...I can give myself a second opinion. They suck and she's leaving.**

Seriously, you'd think I was quitting based on how happy I will be when she gets an offer and walk the hell out of there. I seriously wouldn't recommend her current workplace to sickly Make a Wish foundation kids whose one wish was to go into a real law library if in fact it was the only such institution left standing.

Really, fuck them. Sideways. With a chainsaw. And while I realize that's terribly crude...at least it's sincere.

* Admittedly not mine, I gotta give credit to Ryan Reynolds in Blade: Trinity for that one.

** Okay not terribly original either: A paraphrasing of a Venture Brothers line.