Too Stupid to Live

I thought about calling this part I because I have a feeling I will never run out of stuff like this.

So I was poking around online and came across a number of news stories about the plot of the new video game Assassin's Creed. Apparently, Veronica Mars' Kristen Bell, who is doing a voice for the game (and who I think should play Supergirl if they do another film) spilled something a lot of folks already suspected about the game from earlier trailers and the like- that the game involves virtual reality or some other technology despite seemingly set during one of the Crusades.

That's not what made me roll my eyes so far back I could see my brain. Clearly, Ms. Bell had been allowed to leak that info...which was already heavily hinted at by the game's earlier trailers and the like. I wasn't even terribly annoyed at the commentary about "OMG, this dumb blonde spoiled the surprise." Though given it wasn't much of a suprise...I did find that a little silly.

No it was comments like the one's to follow. I actually am going to link to it so people can see what a world class fucktard some people can be over a fucking video game spoiler...that's not even a spoiler.

So yeah go here.

And here.

And here...just for a few examples of why some motherfuckers can't get laid by anyone with actual self-respect.

For those that didn't click on these links, let's just say that for spilling a non-secret, some folks think its cool to call people names like retard, bimbo, and wish rape upon them.

In particular, at least in these examples, it was three guys with the names djann19, Kurgan10 (because 9 other Highlander fans got there first), and ExplicitBrain.

Now my own dislike for spewing bile under an internet alias notwithstanding...these guys are still maggots. Sexism, mysogyny, and the like are not cool. They aren't even "kewl" and they are barely "xtreme." And even then they are like Rob Liefield Youngblood "Xtreme"...derivative, boring, and not something that would function in the real world.

Now I realize that every time I say something like this some idiot accuses me of "trying to tell people how to live their lives." That last bit is in quotes because I was told that by some idiot on a message board once when I had the audacity to suggest that maybe it wasn't cool to be bragging about cussing out a retail clerk at your local game store just because he had a gall to do his crappy job and ask you if you wanted to pre-order a hot new game like his corporate masters likely forced him to with most if not all customers.

But then that's probably my problem since I can't see how yelling at a 19 year old kid just trying to make a bit of scratch in this nation of a rapidly vanishing middle class and no living wage is fucking awesome. As is apparently calling some person you haven't met a retard or bimbo because they told you something you were too uninformed to know.

For God's sake, people, what the hell is wrong with some of these morons? Do people actually think that being that fucking rude is a right?

Well actually, if they do that's fine...because it is. Problem is, these folks never seem to get the rest of that idea...kinda like all those folks who misquote "My Country, Right or Wrong..."

And what is the rest of that idea? Glad you asked. It's simple: You can express just about any asshole notion that pops into your brain. However, you have no immunity to any fallout from that save government censorship. So if you call someone's girlfriend a dumb slut and he or she mocks you for being a semi-literate immature dipshit...that's just really too fucking bad.

So much of the internet seems to ignore this. People think they can say anything and then cry "It's my opinion, I have a right to it! Oppression!" and make people stop bugging them.

Wrong. People have a right to say what they want and suffer any social or at times physical consequences thereof. And if you can't take the criticism or don't want to defend rape fantasies and sexist insult...don't make them. Crying to Mommy that the big bad people are not letting you be a cockmonkey doesn't cut it in anything resembling the real world.

Anyway, just wanted to comment in a mix or outrage and bemusement. Now if you excuse me I need to go kill a couple of hundred zombies in Dead Rising.

Another Year Gone...

Happy Birthday to me and stuff.

Creative Intent v. What We See...one of these things in not like the other

One thing that annoys me about the internet and geeks on a particular topic who are "in the know" is how they often take information outside a creative work and judge a work on it.

I'm not talking about not buying Orson Scott Card because he's a bigot and you don't want to give him money. No, I'm talking about using outside knowledge to color your view and acting like that's the view.

For example, it was recently revealed by NBC that on the show Heroes the character of Zach, who seemed to be to many a confused gay teenager is in fact not gay. This is a bit of a surprise when you consider the writer of the show originally planned for him to be gay and that the show has dropped a few hints here and there. This is a bit troubling when you consider that it seems NBC came in and said "change this."

However...

If you just watch the show, if you just consume the media as it was created to be cosnumed, even if you read the webcomics and fictional Myspace pages, then it's not all that shocking.

Why? Because the creative work itself has given no proof of Zach's sexuality. Sure there are hints, but these hints can be false.

For example, at one point a nasty ultra popular kid mocks Zach for being gay. Does she know something we don't? Or is she just a bitch? Zach on his Myspace page says he likes Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. Gay-dar alert or freaky high school movie buff? These things can go either way.

In fact, with regard to the movie choices and the like I kinda dig that apparently Zach's not gay...it's nice to see gay not automatically = like's "gay" stuff. Now that doesn't mean I'll be a bit annoyed at NBC if it comes out (no pun intended) that they changed the character's sexuality for some silly "we don't want more gays tuning into our shows" reason. But seeing as how the reason could be that they want to hook Claire and Zach up to avoid the possible high school aged Claire and mid to late twenties Peter relationship that seems at least plausible after the first half of the season I'm willing to be a bit patient about the whole decision.

Course that comes to my larger point, what a creative work intends is not what we see. And in the case of TV and film, what even one creator intends is not what gets made. Actors, cinematographers, executives, costumers, etc... get in the way of a a "pure vision" and the end product. Even comic writers have their work altered by the artist, editors, and in the case of books with continuity, the writers and artists who came before.

And because of this I tend to approach arguments about creative works based on what someone said on a blog or interview with a mix of "huh interesting" and "who gives a fuck?" Because even when I care about such comments I realize I'm not getting the whole story there either. A speaker's words are being filtered through a journalist, or being stripped of context and inflection before I see them. And like most people, I tend to think my way is best.

So I caution creative types and consumers of creative media and ask them to realize two things:

One: you will never get the "pure" version of something.

Other people's work, words, etc... will always get in the way. And not always for the worse, I might add. Lawrence Kasdan in my opinion helped George Lucas make better Star Wars films in episodes 4 through 6 by throwing in his own views and style into the screenplays. Jack Kirby wouldn't have been such a force in comics without Stan Lee and vice versa. In fact, you could argue "pure" versions of things are sometimes fairly boring. Look at most "one guy and a camera" projects you see on IFC and Sundance. Some are cool, but most are boring, dense, and with a "message" that's utterly muddled because the guy making this "pure" form of expression already knows whatever he's trying to convey and so he doesn't try to hard to show anyone else.

Two: Things outside the work influence you and not the work

If you read a novel by a guy and then find out he's a Neo-nazi, you have been changed by this knowledge. The work is still the way it was before. Sure, that might explain some things about the plot choices and the like in the work and you might decide not to read this guy's stuff any more, but your knowledge doesn't somehow alter the work like a literary philosopher's stone. Likewise, you read a web page that makes you think that the guy might be a neo-Nazi, you should not be calling everyone who likes the book a "Nazi lover" because a) they might not know what you know b) you might be wrong* c) it's a self-righteous jerk-ass thing to do.

Really, if outside knowledge changes your view of something, accept it, act accordingly and move on. Yelling about how everyone who doesn't agree with you based on these outside views is racist, homophobic, sexist, too liberal, too conservative, a religious zealot, hates god, too weak, a bully, a coward, a war-wonger, a peacenik, a fascist, a communist, a cultist, brainwashed, a tool of the Man, overly idealistic, too cynical, misanthropic, fat, lazy, crazy, or just plain smelly doesn't win you any points with anyone. Well, except a bunch of other folks who think that reading something from some literary historian's blog actually changes the works of Melville or whatever.

But those motherfuckers is crazy. Don't be like them.

* Heck, you might be crazy and wrong. Never discount that when you start to think lots of other folks are loathesome things. This might, to quote Boogie Nights, be a YP and not an MP.

In time for the Holidays...

Here's a list even more Cool Shit you requested.*

1) Rumo & His Miraculous Adventures by Walter Moers (book)

Remember awhile back when I said go out and buy the 13 1/2 Lives of Captain Bluebear right now? Well, if you haven't...go ahead and do so.**

Back? Good. Now go buy Moers followup novel Rumo & His Miraculous Adventures. Equally as impossible to explain this novel is a fair bit darker and not quite as a good as Bluebear. Which just means it's merely one of the most kickass things you'll ever read and not just possibly the most kickass thing you'll ever read. The only downside is that now I want a Wolperting Whelp...and I don't think I can import one.

2) The Book of Lost Things by John Connolly (book)

Definitely an impulse buy that paid off. This story of a young boy who gets drawn into a fantasy world after his mother's death reminds me of Gaiman and Barker a bit, but with a style all its own. Sometimes the book does seem to be trying a wee bit hard to be literature with a capital L but that's a minor quibble. Mostly it's a creative and fun modern fairy tale.

3) John Sable: Freelance by Mike Grell (Comic trade paperbacks)

This time around the "step into the way back machine"place on the list belongs to John Sable, Freelance and his comic series of the same name. This loveable cross between JK Rowling, Alan Quatermain, Robert McCall, and Frank Castle is a fun modern pulp adventure series. Grell also wrote a novel about Sable, which basically modernizes the 80s comic plot a bit but is also a fun read. However, if you get the chance grab the comic and enjoy Grell's unique art style as well.

4) Hellsing OVA Vol. 1 (DVD)

So it might not be quite as jaw-droppingly cool as the TV show but the new OVA adaptation of popular manga Hellsing manages to improve on a lot of the old show, even if the music and pacing isn't quite as good. Still, the return of the excellent English voice cast from the older anime and some great moments of comedy make this very enjoyable and an easy purchase. Also, this version of the story will include Nazi vampies, which is combining two of the five great antagonists.

5) Heroes (TV Show)

Yeah, yeah, I should have mentioned this a while back and it's hardly news to anyone I know but damn this is a solid piece of TV. From the comic style camerawork to the tightly woven plot where things actually happen (yeah I'm looking at you Lost) this is probably best new show of the year. It really deserves its high ratings and hopefully nothing stupid will happen and hurt the shows chances for future seasons.

6) Patton Oswald (Comedian)

Man, this guy is so funny it actually hurts. The best part about Mr. Oslwad's comedy is often it starts in a way that makes you shake your hed and say "Huh, I wonder where he's going with this." The end result is always a) suprising and b) totally worth it.

Seriously, check out Patton if you haven't. He was one of three things that made the Shatner roast on Comedy Central really enjoyable (the other two were George Takei and Betty White) despite a few terribly unfunny comedians. His stand up is hysterical and he's a pretty darn good comic writer too though he's only written a few things.

Oh and he's also a tremendous geek. Which I consider a big plus since he's one of the few comedians who can work frost giants into a stand-up and have it actually be funny for everyone and not just the folks who can tell you how many hit dice those have.***

7) Frisky Dingo (Cartoon)

This Adult Swim 15 minute a pop animated series isn't the funniest thing on TV...that's Venture Bros. (or maybe The Boondocks). Nor is it the reason TV was invented...that's Veronica Mars. But it is a delightfully absurd superhero parody that's not a bad way to spend a quarter hour. This is the array of random crazy stuff that Tom Goes to the Mayor tried to be...but without all the sucking.

And no, I have no idea what the title means either.

So there's a few more things for the list of stuff you should be watching, reading, etc... Have a happy holiday if I'm not back before it's over.


* And for anyone who hasn't figured this out yet, the title of this reoccurring theme is taken from Hodgeman's list of hobo names. See my first list for more details.

** Unless you're a friend of mine who happens to go to school in the Pacific Northwest and probably is not even be reading this at all. Why? No reason...just that the book is poison! A slow poison that won't wear off until after X-Mas...best to avoid it until then.

*** If for some reason you're reading this and don't get that reference, just keeping walking. You're better off not knowing...

D is for Drama...and Dumbass

Facts are often more boring than fiction. Stranger perhaps, but muddled with extra details that cut down the drama so many people seem to love. And sadly, when they are more exciting they are often unpleasantly real- Full of screaming, crying, and real people suffering real messy fates. After all, far be it from me to suggest Katrina wasn't exciting...it just sucked for pretty much everyone stuck in the middle of it. But generally, what really happened is a fairly mundane and explainable occurence. If your spouse is late coming home, she's probably not dead in ditch, the train was probably delayed. If a kid at school is moody and dark, he's probably going through a phase and not planning to shoot everyone in the school. Sure, these things happen...but they are rare and as I noted earlier, messy and sucky.

But that doesn't stop a lot of people from overreacting and overacting whenever they can use something mundane to throw a bit of drama into their lives. Because people as a rule, love drama.

However, most people don't love horror.* Yet instead of wanting to just be happy when your life is not full of horror, it seems that a lot of folks love to spice up their existence with drama. Drama, as I'm using it here, is creating or focusing on things which one can exaggerate, blow out of proportion, or overstate to create a bit of safe, unthreatening excitement.

So to give an example: A dead child is horror. Trying to kick goth kids out of school because they write some dark poetry and you're afraid they are going to kill your precious baby is drama.

Now, I won't pull any punches. I think that creating drama for yourself(or others) is unbelievably stupid and I do in fact think less of people who do it a lot. It's a cheap thrill at the price of actually not perceiving reality. It's what people who have various mental conditions want to stop from happening, and yet most perfectly stable folks seem to want to do this kind of crap for fun.

And I'm not talking about your garden variety drama queen here, I'm talking about otherwise normal people too. For example, let's say Guy A says to Guy B "I have a friend who's queer." Guy C overhears this and decides, since he doesn't like the word queer and thinks it's homophobic, that Guy A is a homophobe. He then either gets in Guy A's face about it or tell other people, who are either going to argue with with or agree with him. If they agree then a bunch of people think Guy A is a jerk, if not then maybe Guy C gets pissed and says some of these other folks are homophobes too. In either case, Drama has been created.

Problem is, there is a noteable subset of the GLBT community that like the word queer. They use it and ask people they know to use it instead of other terms. Guy A might be a jerk, or he might just be someone whose friend told him it was cool to call him queer. Until we ask, we don't know.

But most people don't bother asking. In fact, I think they don't want to. Because knowledge creates understanding. Understanding reduces drama, and drama is what so many people want they are willing to forgo a lot of other stuff, like sensible inquiry and needless animosity.

Also, asking is effort. A trivial one for most people I know, but an effort all the same. So creating drama is also often lazy. Especially since so much drama is reactive or gossip, and not stuff that people actually need to do something about.

So to recap- creating unnecessary drama is lazy, willfully ignorant, stupid, and maybe crazy.

So folks, consider this a PSA:

Don't be Dumbass...Don't Do Drama.

*And I mean real horror not Saw, which inexplicably a lot of people seem to love.